The Nearness of You
by Kate Taylor
Summary: Memories haunt Olivia on the eve of her birthday. Will she forever be alone. Partly a song fic, the lyrics mentioned are from a Norah Jones song by the same title as the story.


Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not my own but are the property of Wolf Productions and NBC.

Rated: G

Summery: Memories haunt Olivia on the eve of her birthday. Will she forever be alone. Partly a song fic, the lyrics mentioned are from a Norah Jones song by the same title as the story.

**----- The Nearness of You -----**

She glanced for what must have been the tenth time at the photo set before her, her mind wandering only as far as she would allow it. 'Why had life taken her through so many valleys?' She wandered inwardly hoping that somehow, it might bring an answer. There was no answer delivered to her, at least not one that was good enough.

Life had always been so complicated. She'd grown into a woman so fast, she'd barely had time to stop long enough to try and understand it all, not that she would have understood had she been given the chance anyway.

Her eyes wandered to the clock on the wall ahead. It was twelve o'clock midnight and still, she found herself here at the precinct. Half of her wanted to go home, the other half wanted desperately to stay away from the emptiness, from the silence. She closed her eyes, the image still burned in her mind seemed so clear to her even as she closed them. The picture of her mother she'd kept here in her desk for years, brought back so many memories. The kind that she longed to forget and especially on today of all days.

Tomorrow was Olivia Benson's birthday and besides the fact that it meant that she was another year older, it also meant another year spent alone. She yawned sleepily. Why the hell was this bothering her so much? Spending her birthday alone was certainly nothing new. And yet, somehow it made terrible sense. Certainly by this age, she'd hope to finally be spending these sort of days with someone special.

She ran a hand through her hair as she returned the picture to it's usual place in her desk drawer. Alcoholism... all her life she'd chosen against it but despite that fact, she'd had to stand by helplessly as she'd watched her mother succumb to it. Yes, the hand that had been dealt her in life had been dealt cruelly. Just when she'd thought she'd learned to accept her mother's alcoholism, then came the nights when things became physical, something she'd never learned to live with.

There had been many hopeless nights. Many times where there seemed to be no way out except death but she'd never wanted to end her life, only to begin it.

When she was old enough, she'd escaped, away from the empty days. Away from the unpredictable nights. Becoming a cop had been her salvation and the very thing that held her together. She'd immersed herself in it, the victims, the cases, anything to make her forget the hell she'd been through. Who said that pain fades with time? Clearly a person who'd never felt this kind of pain themselves. The kind of pain that suffocates a person when alone at night. The kind of pain that consumes a person when alone in bed accompanied only by the piercing noise of their own thoughts. She'd seen that kind of pain in the victims she'd dealt with on a daily basis... she'd seen it in herself.

Her thoughts were shattered as she jumped at the sound of the precinct door opening. She was surprised to see her partner coming through the door... and relieved. Even if only for a few moments she wasn't alone. She never felt alone around him. She shook off the thought and concentrated on the obvious-- It wasn't like him to stop by at this time of night.

"What are you doing here so late?" She asked before thinking about the strangeness of her question. She was the one who had spent her evening here. He seemed to ignore that fact, his mind was somewhere else and she realized for the first time that his hands were suspiciously behind his back.

He was already standing in front of her, a smile on his face. 'Does he know what that smile does to me?" Her mind wandered again. She couldn't help but feel lighter when he did.

"I wanted to be the first to congratulate the birthday girl." He finally spoke. She was about to remind him that her birthday wasn't until tomorrow but it was as though he read her mind. "It's midnight, so technically it's already tomorrow." He added. He pulled his hand from behind his back to reveal the bouquet of roses he'd been hiding from her.

She felt speechless for a moment as she took them. "Elliot..." she trailed off but she didn't have to say more. He'd noticed the look of despair on her face when he'd first entered the precinct, despair that now seemed to dissolve in front of his eyes.

"They're beautiful," She finally spoke. "You shouldn't have." He smiled. It was the least that he could do for his partner of seven years. She'd been with him through difficult cases, the dissolution of his marriage... they'd been through hell and back together. Been through times that would have easily torn other partners apart, but not them.

He finally moved his other hand from behind his back and placed a small stereo on her desk. Olivia seemed confused for a moment as he pressed the play button and took the roses from her hands, setting them carefully on her desk. He took her hand in his own in a gesture that told her, he was asking to dance.

The feeling of her hand in his set her heart to racing as he pulled her closer to him and though she displayed a surprised look on her face, her heart wondered if she hadn't dreamed of this day for some time. She was against him now as they slowly danced, the words of the song took her breath away.

_"Its not the pale moon that excites me  
That thrills and delights me, oh no  
Its just the nearness of you "_

She found herself completely in his embrace, in the safety of him. It was then that she realized that ever since he'd come into her life, she'd never truly been alone. She relaxed now allowing herself to simply follow along with his movement. She could feel the beat of his heart against her and she silently wondered if he wasn't aware of her own racing heart.

_"It isnt your sweet conversation  
That brings this sensation, oh no  
Its just the nearness of you" _

The room was silent. There were no words between them, there didn't need to be. Tears stung her eyes but these were different from the tears that had been there earlier. She found herself happier than she'd ever been... here dancing in the embrace of her partner, her best friend. She rested her chin against his shoulder.

_"When youre in my arms and I feel you so close to me  
All my wildest dreams come true" _

She smiled as a single tear made its way down her face to stain the shoulder of his jacket. Whether he sensed her emotion or whether it just seemed natural to him, he pulled her tighter to himself and she didn't pull away.

_"I need no soft lights to enchant me  
If youll only grant me the right  
To hold you ever so tight _

They continued to dance even as the song reached its end, the room again filling with silence the only sound, their steps on the floor and their steady breathing. And they danced to the rhythm of the their beating hearts, the last line of the song still lingering about them.

_"And to feel in the night the nearness of you..."_

Kate Taylor

July 28, 2006


End file.
